Seven months ago when I started this blog I was a very different person. I felt alone. I felt ashamed. But more than anything I felt worthless. I had grown up in a very gay oppressive atmosphere. This oppression had weighed down on me for so many years. When I couldn't handle the weight anymore, I fell into depression. I learned what it meant to feel the waves of darkness and nothingness crash onto you. It was in that time that I started this blog. I needed to yell all my secrets into the vast internet not knowing where they'd land. But knowing that someone knew them was enough.
It was during this time that I met a friend. A friend I have written about in the past negatively. He is the older gay guy who introduced me to all the other gay guys. While I've spoken negatively of him, I have to say he helped me indescribably so. He helped me work through my depression and embrace my sexuality. He told me that I wasn't a vile creature for loving who I loved. I didn't believe him at the time, but he told me over and over again. And for that I can not thank him enough.
I made it through high school with only a few people finding out I was bisexual, and that was good enough for me. I still worry about all the teachers and students in the classes below me finding out, but not because I'm ashamed anymore. I worry because I'm sure there are other students who will have to sit by in silence and listen about how I've fallen into sin and am a failure. I worry that those other closeted LGBT students will feel the oppression I did, and not have someone to help them through it. I hope though, when they feel the oppression and the depression that comes with it, they'll message me. Because I would be more than happy to help.
So about Adrian. Adrian isn't another person I am, he was somebody I was. Adrian was the ashamed and afraid person I used to be. Adrian worked his way through high school and these few months of summer before college. But I'm not him anymore.
Nowadays, I wear a silver ring with the word Pride engraved on it. I still get nervous when I see people I know, and sometimes I even slip the ring off and put it in my pocket until someone passes by. But I'm getting better. I wear it more and more. I don't choose who I'm going to wear it around, I just wear it.
Perhaps someday I'll switch that ring out for one given to me by my husband or maybe by my wife. But you know what? Its nobody's business otherwise.
In a last little thing, I'd like to say thank you to all the people who commented, sent me a message, or even just read this. You've helped me so much too. Thanks again everyone.