I would like to start off by clarifying something. On one of the posts I shared on Reddit it seemed some people were confused about what I would call myself. Honestly I don't really know. I'm not a huge fan of labels, but to the completely heterosexual person I imagine my sexual persuasion could be quite difficult to understand. I mentioned in my first post about my Bipolar sexuality, and that is probably the best way I'd describe it. Some days I can feel totally gay and want guys. Some days I don't want guys. Other days I'm perfectly caught in the middle of wanting and not wanting guys. The main thing here that I just noticed about myself is that I rarely am wanting girls. I will say there have been some girls that I very much wanted to have a relationship with, but I don't believe I've ever been really physically attracted to girls. Of course today I am leaning gay, so I wouldn't necessarily trust my words too much. Does that answer the question? If I were to label myself I suppose I'd say emotionally straight, and physically gay. Sound complicated? It is.
The way I see it my life has two paths it could follow.
1. I become gay. I maybe continue my relationship with Christ or I let it crumble to peaces as I accept the sinful lifestyle.
2. I find the girl that makes me forget about all these feelings. She's a strong christian and we sharpen each other spiritually.
It is a lot to worry about. Honestly, what college I go to will decide which lifestyle I will pursue. I guess that's why the thought of college is stressing me out. I'm not just choosing a college, I'm choosing who I will be for the rest of my life.
Until next time,